It’s all about the timing- April 27, 2010.

The day started off as usual- reviewing patients, rounds with specialist, ward work, clerk new cases, scans, etc. Nothing unusual or extraordinary happen. There were mentions and reminders of it throughout the day but it wasn’t until that night when it finally hit me.

I have actually completed my 1st posting as a houseman! I’ve been working and earning my own wage through my sweat (literally) and (patient’s) blood for 4 months now. Getting all sentimental about having to leave this department, which provided my very first experience as a doctor, I decided to go back to my ward. All the more because this new found friend, J, whom I became close to over the last month, was on call that night.

For the last 4 months, we’ve been changing work colleagues and wards every month. But it wasn’t until the last month, that I was assigned to work with this incredible team. I would say that we compliment each other and that was what made this such a strong team. Needless to say, the working environment was very conducive with wonderful MOs.

Anyway, being on call means having to eat cold, tasteless, and many a times, the sight itself is an appetite killer and hunger suppressor. Now I’m a person who enjoy good food but at the same time, I’m not a fussy eater. But for the hospital to tender such expensive contracts to a particular caterer for each meal, 4 meals a day, the food is completely unacceptable. Rumour has it that each meal cost around RM30. If you think the price is not too bad, you have to see what they serve to understand what I mean by the price being ridiculous. I’m sure there’s more to it, than meets the eyes, if you know what I mean.

Since I’ve decided to drop by, I sms-ed J to ask if she and SZ (the other person on call that night) would like something (edible) for dinner. Within 2 minutes, my phone rang. It was Anu and I picked up. It turned out, she was here in the island, and was wondering if I was free to have dinner together.

Oh, in my heart, I was thinking, why didn’t you call a bit earlier? I couldn’t possibly say no, since she drove all the way from mainland. But it wasn’t right to say yes either since I most likely would have to go buy dinner.

In the end, I accepted the dinner invitation from Anu, and took down orders for Subway and Starbucks from J. With my quick wit, I decided to have 2 hours dinner with Anu, and then get food for my fellow colleagues, informing them that I would be 2 hours late.

The night went on very smoothly. I explained to Anu the reason why I had to leave early, and to J and SZ why I had to be late. They were all very understanding and accepting. It all ended well.

Above: Japanese dinner at Matzuki with Anu

Above: 2 other colleagues who were coincidentally decided to visit

Above: Look at how happy they were, enjoying good food during their call, which from what I heard was superb- NO new admission throughout the night.

Green, green grass of Home

When people say that grass is greener on the other side. I just couldn’t agree with them more. When you finally get what you’ve wanted, it’s almost always doesn’t turn out the way you’ve expected/ hoped it to be.

I for one is living with that for a fact, day in and day out.

How is your life so? you asked. Didn’t you just gave the whole I’m-happy-to-live-in-the-present speech? you asked further.

Well, I’m happy to be alive but it’s far from a perfect life. I wake up every morning (and I mean EVERY morning), going to a work that was not what I enrolled for.

At the present, I have strong bonding with only one aspect of my work. I can’t live without it. I can’t work without it. I must have it with me by my side for me to survive the day.

What else could it be? It’s none other than my black pen.

As student, I had the opportunity to just sit by my patients’ bedside and talk to them (or at least, listen to them talk). The older generation will share their life experiences and offer food for thoughts, which can span from the importance of being filial, to their conspiracy theories on politics! With no big responsibilities, or immediate dateline, this was all possible in the past.

At present, it seems like a luxury to me. The turnover of patients in this particular department is so fast, I hardly have the chance to get to know all their problems well, let alone have time to build rapport with them.

I am in no way implying that my treatment is lacking physically. But the only thing lacking is that psychological confidence and comfort, that I am not able to build on, which in my opinion is very important in the healing process.

Maybe I should take up something that allows me to do just that, like geriatrics or oncology. But these are very “heavy” specialty, in my opinion.

But there’s no rush in it. I’m still building my character and style as a doctor. In time, I’m sure I would know what I want to specialize in. Whatever the decision may be, hopefully when I reach “the other side”, the grass is still green.